This may seem like a reference to a Shakespearean quote, but it a question that has played in my head for many years.\u00a0 That question may sound familiar to you.\u00a0 We are all unique individuals, but share common experiences, fears, hopes and dreams.\u00a0 Collectively, we can draw upon each other to better understand how to make decisions in life.\u00a0 Whether those decisions are to tell our parents that we are gay, lesbian, bi-sexual or transgender, or to wear sandals, shorts and a T-shirt to the movie theater.<\/p>\n
We are faced with decisions all of the time.\u00a0 The thought process that goes on in our head to make any decision is complex, mostly based upon our past experiences.\u00a0 Generally, the older we are, the more life experiences we have gone through, but not always.\u00a0 I have known people that have made choices and decisions that have limited their life experiences, and other people that have taken risks and experienced more in ten years than some people have in a lifetime.\u00a0 No matter what a person\u2019s age is, there are lessons of life that can be used in our decision making process.<\/p>\n
The decision on what to wear to the movie theater may not seem as important as whether to come out of the closet to our parents, family, friends, co-workers or society, but it still a complex decision.\u00a0 Is it going to rain? (sandals are out if my feet are going to get wet)\u00a0 Are my toe nails trimmed?\u00a0 Are my varicose veins a concern? (I am older and that is part of my decision making) Do I care if someone sees my varicose veins?\u00a0 Do my sandals and shorts look good together? Will the T-shirt cover my gut?\u00a0 Is the shirt making a statement, and if so, am I comfortable with the statement?\u00a0 Do I think the movie theater will be too cold for shorts?\u00a0 Do I really care what others think?\u00a0 Do these shorts make my butt look good? Do I look gay? Do I look straight? Will people assume that my husband is\u2026.my husband? And do I care?<\/p>\n
Yes.\u00a0 As much as I would like to think that I don\u2019t give a damn what other people think, I really do.\u00a0 We all do.\u00a0 It was explained to me that I have a desire to feel \u201ca part of\u201d.\u00a0 To be able to maintain my individuality, yet \u201cfit in\u201d is a challenge.\u00a0 The goal of this book is to gather as much experience from as many sources with different backgrounds to present to the reader information that may help the reader in the day to day decision making process.\u00a0 The target audience is of course the LGBTQ community, but if you are a parent, friend, ally, or just curious what makes gays tick, this book may of interest to you also.<\/p>\n
The question of whether to be out or not to be out is a personal decision.\u00a0 There is not a right or wrong answer to that question that will fit everybody.\u00a0 That question may seem like an insurmountable decision for a lot of us, but dwindles in comparison to the questions and decisions that are faced by someone with gender identity dysphoria.\u00a0 My personal experiences are limited, and gathering information and asking the right questions is a large task.\u00a0 This book is intended to be just a beginning of dialogue, to bring experience to those with questions.\u00a0 One of my dreams is for society to mature with respect for all, without regard to their personal uniqueness.<\/p>\n
Growing up in the rural Midwest, I heard a term that I did not understand.\u00a0 I was told that a woman that I knew was born as a \u201chermaphrodite\u201d.\u00a0 At his point in my life, I knew nothing of what sex was, but I was aware of the differences between boys and girls.\u00a0 Today, the term \u201chermaphrodite\u201d has been replaced by \u201cintersexed\u201d.\u00a0 It was rumored that \u201chermaphrodites\u201d were urban legend, and that there really were no such births.\u00a0 The woman that I knew of to have been rumored as a \u201chermaphrodite\u201d had a very deep voice for a woman, and showed many masculine characteristics.\u00a0 In those days, when an \u201cintersexed\u201d child was born, surgery options were limited, and generally the child was raised as a girl.\u00a0 I will never know if that woman that I knew really was born with both genitalia or not.\u00a0 It does not matter.\u00a0 The fact is, these births are real, and the decisions that the parents and doctors make at birth are very difficult and \u00a0important.<\/p>\n
Today, options are available that were not available in yesteryear.\u00a0 Those options do not make the decisions any easier.\u00a0 As a society, compassion and respect will help us to mature into a society that values the true diversity of the human race.\u00a0 If you are of the belief that we can all \u201cconform\u201d to the traditional definitions of \u201cmen\u201d and \u201cwomen\u201d, then perhaps this book is not for you.\u00a0 To the conservative right wingers that have beat the drum of \u201cIt was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve\u201d mantra, I have to ask\u2026.\u201dDoesn\u2019t that story make Adam the first \u201cintersexed\u201d person?\u201d<\/p>\n
Our identities, as we see ourselves are personal and are subject to change and evolve.\u00a0 For some, like myself, I have experienced the fears of living in the closet and being \u201cdiscovered\u201d, and also the freedom associated with being open and out to everyone.\u00a0 I have also chosen to go back into the closet for business reasons.\u00a0 I dream of living in a society that who I am is not a concern, but that is not the reality yet.\u00a0 We live in a world that does not accept the individual differences of others\u2026yet.\u00a0 It is showing signs of changing and maturing, but history tells me that we have been there before.\u00a0 To ignore the fact that all of this is cyclical may be a tragic mistake for the LGBTQ community.<\/p>\n
We are enjoying a period of time where acceptance of marriage equality is on the rise, and that may be giving us a false sense of security.\u00a0 There are still a lot of people that believe that the acceptability of homosexuals is the downfall of our society.\u00a0 People have told me to my face things like: \u201cI would like to go out to California and start shooting the \u201cfaggots\u201d because they are destroying this country.\u201d \u00a0That particular comment was made by a co-worker during the time when California was facing the challenges to proposition 8. \u00a0I doubt if that comment or comments like that would have been made to me had I not been in the closet.<\/p>\n
History will tell the story, and I do not have a crystal ball to see how it plays out.\u00a0 Society in the past has seen the LGBT as freaks.\u00a0 For most \u201cstraight\u201d people, the only exposure to the LGBT community was what they saw on the news.\u00a0 The news media generally focused on the \u201coutlandish\u201d displays.\u00a0 In most pride parades, there have been all types of LGBTQ people, from the \u201cMr. Leather International\u201d contestants and winners, the local \u201cDykes on Bikes\u201d chapter, cross-dressers, female impersonators, transgendered individuals, and go-go boys.\u00a0 But the diversity of the LGBTQ community is largely under-reported.\u00a0 In those same parades, PFLAG, HRC, GLADD, professionals like Doctors, Lawyers, Dentists, Psychiatrists, and Religious or Spiritual organizations can also be found.<\/p>\n
The LGBTQ community is very diverse within itself.\u00a0 We come from all walks of life and socio-economic backgrounds.\u00a0 Diversity is also a hurtle for us as we strive to move forward for equality.\u00a0 Each segment of our community sometimes is oblivious to the others, or we disagree in our goals.\u00a0 The news media has referred to the \u201cgay agenda\u201d, which we all know is an urban myth.\u00a0 The progress we have enjoyed has experienced a lot of disagreement within the ranks.\u00a0 At one pride parade, a lesbian told me that we should never try to fight for marriage equality, because we would just be \u201cconforming\u201d to society.\u00a0 As much as I believe(d) in marriage equality, that opinion \u00a0is valid.\u00a0 Should we be striving to obtain something that is part of a bigger problem? Sometimes you will even hear the argument whether it is the GLBTQ community, or the LGBTQ community.\u00a0 Do we really understand how we have to stand together rather tear each other apart?\u00a0 The Transgendered community is even split within itself whether the term \u201ctranny\u201d is acceptable or derogatory.\u00a0 There are a lot of gay men that think that bi-sexuals are just afraid to be honest that they are gay. How absurd is that?\u00a0 Isn\u2019t that similar to a straight man thinking that a lesbian \u201cjust hasn\u2019t met the right man yet\u201d?<\/p>\n
Living in a small rural Midwest town, I could not identify with the images that the media portrayed of the gay community.\u00a0 Some of us are born with physical traits that do not hide our sexual identity.\u00a0 To meet me, most people do not see me as gay.\u00a0 My own perception of myself is different and very effeminate.\u00a0 The ability for me to live in a small Midwestern town in the closet is something that I do not take for granted.\u00a0 There were other boys growing up in that small town that were not as fortunate.\u00a0 Their \u201cgayness\u201d was more evident, and probably played a role in their decision to move away after high school, to bigger cities, where they could be free to be themselves.\u00a0 I wish that I could interview the ones that I am thinking of to see how true that is, but unfortunately, the three guys I am thinking of, have all died from complications of HIV.<\/p>\n
We are who we are.\u00a0 That is not a choice.\u00a0 Sometimes labels are too confining.\u00a0 Diversity is the reality.\u00a0 Somewhere within the spectrum of the human race we all have our spot.\u00a0 We all belong.\u00a0 Those are not choices.\u00a0 The choices we do have, are how we interact with others.\u00a0 Those decisions may have an impact on our lives that are not reversible.\u00a0 Making informed decisions is available to us as never before.\u00a0 The intellectual highway has become an integral part of our lives.\u00a0 Social media has changed our face in society, but it has not changed who we are.<\/p>\n
If someone loved and respected me before they knew that I was gay, then all that I can hope for is that same love and respect when and if they learn that I am gay.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
This may seem like a reference to a Shakespearean quote, but it a question that has played in my head for many years.\u00a0 That question may sound familiar to you.\u00a0 We are all unique individuals, but share common experiences, fears, hopes and dreams.\u00a0 Collectively, we can draw upon each other to better understand how to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":4,"menu_order":1,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-11","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/str8talk4gays.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/11","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/str8talk4gays.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/str8talk4gays.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/str8talk4gays.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/str8talk4gays.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/str8talk4gays.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/11\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12,"href":"https:\/\/str8talk4gays.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/11\/revisions\/12"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/str8talk4gays.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/4"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/str8talk4gays.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}